Dog Man Unleashed (Live)
(We cut to the outside of a building before some text pops up) Text: The G-man reviews Dog Man Unleashed live! (After the text goes away, we cut to a seating area with a large screen at the end of the room that’s inside of the building. The G-man runs into the room and the audience applauds) G-man: What up, my peeps? (The audience cheers) Well, it’s taken me a long while, but we’re finally reviewing- ???: Hey, Greg! (The audience applauds again as Danny Gonzalez walks into the room) G-man: Oh Christ… Danny: I heard you were reviewing another comic. Can I be in it? G-man (After sighing): Fine… Danny: Awesome! So, what’s the comic? G-man: I’m actually glad you’re here, because we’re reviewing the sequel to Dog Man; Dog Man Unleashed! (Cut to the cover of the comic. The audience cheers again) Danny (V.O): Wait, there’s a sequel? G-man (V.O): Yep. In fact, there are multiple sequels. Honestly, this might be as popular as author Dav Pilkey’s other series; Captain Underpants. (Cut back to the duo) Danny: Alright, I guess we’re- G-man: Hold up, dude, we’re forgetting something! (To audience) I’m pretty sure you know what I’m talking about. (The G-man’s theme starts to play as the audience cheers and sings along) Song and audience (Singing): C’mon now let’s review some shit! You know it is my job. I feel like I’m the guy who’s only doin’ this! With my sword in my hand, I’ll find a way to tear it down. I won’t quit at all now, it’s a path I will go. But I won’t stop, ‘cause I’ll be there for you. Until the end, I will let you all know my name! (The audience cheers as we cut back to the cover of the comic) G-man (V.O): To be honest, the cover is more exciting than the first one. It shows Dog Man in the centre surrounded by the villains of the comic. I also want to point out the cop car with the Police Chief, and also some random woman and her dog. We’ll get the significance of them later. Danny (V.O): In the beginning of the book, we get a recap of what happened last time, but also something that wasn’t mentioned up until now. He slobbered all over everybody, he was obsessed with balls… (Cut to a clip from Family Guy) Quagmire: Giggity Giggity Goo! (Cut back to the comic) Danny (V.O): …And he was obsessed with rolling around in dead fish. So, with all that out of the way, let’s move to chapter 1: The Secret Meeting. G-man (V.O): It opens on the Chief’s birthday, and the others are getting prepared for a party. Including giving him a pet fish as a present. (As female cop) Good idea! Fish are awesome pets. Danny (V.O as male cop): And they aren’t filthy and obnoxious like dogs. (Cut back to the duo) Danny (In normal voice): Dude! Dog Man is right there! G-man (In normal voice): That’s like saying you don’t like the SEGA Saturn in front of Segata Sanshiro! You’re begging to get your ass kicked! (Cut back to the comic) G-man (V.O): Also, we have more Flip-O-Rama. And since we’re tired of explaining it, we’re not bothering this time. Danny (V.O): In chapter 2, Penelope’s Pets, Dog Man arrives at the pet store and fucks some shit up. And that’s when he meets a female dog named Zuzu. Whom of which is not interested in him whatsoever. G-man (V.O): Upon realizing that Dog Man has no money, the owners secretly give him an "Evil fish". (As female storeowner) It came to our pet shop last Friday the 13th with a wicked heart and a soul as dark as a thousand midnights! (Cut back to the duo) G-man (In normal voice): You know, I would make a SpongeBob joke, but I’m deciding against it. (The audience boos) Okay, you talked me into it! (He clears his throat) Hey, we found Plankton’s bodyguard! (A punchline rimshot is heard before we cut back to the comic) Danny (V.O): Sarah Hatoff, the reporter from the first comic, buys Zuzu and tells Dog Man that she’s her biggest fan. What point does this have? (The text "None whatsoever!" pops up for a brief moment) Thanks, random text! G-man (V.O): In chapter 3, Happy Birthday Chief, the officers and Dog Man give him the fish, and something called, and we’re not kidding: "Supa Brain Dots". (Cut back to the duo) Danny: Not pills or tablets, just some unidentified dots. G-man: Let me tell you; I think Pivot might need a few himself. Danny: Who’s-? (The screen behind them suddenly turns to static, and then to Pivot sitting at the G-man’s desk) Pivot: Oh, you can just eat a cactus nice and slowly! Danny: Who the hell is that? G-man: That’s Pivot. Danny: How did he know you were talking shit about him? Pivot: I sensed a disturbance in the force! I have the senses of a bat! G-man (Under his breath) He’s also blind like one… Pivot: WHAT?! G-man (Aloud): Nothing! (Cut back to the comic) Danny (V.O): Anyway, the Chief names the fish "Flippy", and then reads the directions on the Supa Brain Dots: "Don’t take a lot. No more than a dot. Or something may happen, we ain’t saying what". G-man (V.O): The Chief goes off for lunch, but upon closing the door, the Brain Dots fall into Flippy’s bowl. And no joke, the book then parodies How the Grinch Stole Christmas. (Reading text as the narrator from said film) And what happened next? Well in this book they say: Flippy’s brain grew eleven sizes that day. (Cut back to the duo) G-man (In normal voice): I guess the dots extended his memory by at least 4 seconds. (Cut back to the comic) Danny (V.O): In chapter 4, the police get a call about a robbery at Penelope’s Pets. Upon arriving, we find the owners and Sarah tied up. (As Sarah) Oh, Dog Man, it was horrible! I came back to buy pet food and a mysterious stranger barged in and tied us up! Then he robbed the store! Fortunately, Zuzu chewed through one of my ropes, and I was able to get my hand free. When he wasn’t looking, I snapped a picture of him on my phone! (Cut back to the duo) Duo (Simultaneously with Danny in his normal voice): Hashtag convenient! (Cut back to the comic) G-man (V.O solo): The photo reveals a figure with the bottom half of Petey, the antagonist from the first book, however, in chapter 5, it turns out that Petey was in jail the entire time the robbery took place. (As Petey) Somebody is impostoring me! I’m going to get to the bottom of this, but first, I have to escape! Danny (V.O): He gets some supplies from a conveniently-placed art supply locker, and makes a paper cut-out of himself. Then, using a conveniently-placed bulletin board, he acts like it fell on him. Claiming that he saw this in a book once. (Cut back to the duo) G-man (In normal voice): Do you know which book? Danny: No, you? G-man: No, that’s why I asked. (Cut back to the comic) G-man (V.O): Somehow, the prison guard is dumb enough to believe this, and he calls for an ambulance. Whom of which take a wrong turn, and end up at, not the doctor, but the Witch Doctor. And if that wasn’t dumb enough, his name is… (He sighs) Dr. Boog E. Feeva. Danny (V.O): Are you kidding me? I haven’t seen a more bizarre name since Professor Poopypants from the Captain Underpants movie! G-man (V.O): Amen! Anyway, the Witch Doctor reveals Living Spray, the stuff used in the first book, but he warns that it sometimes makes stuff turn evil. (As paramedic 1) It’s okay dude. Danny (V.O as paramedic 2): Yeah. He was pretty evil to begin with. (Cut back to the duo) G-man (In normal voice): Quick question: If something living gets hit with Living Spray, does it do the opposite, or does it spontaneously combust? (Cut back to the comic) Danny (V.O in normal voice): So, the Witch Doctor sprays the Living Spray on the cut-out, and it becomes another Petey. After knocking out the paramedics, the Witch Doctor sprays something called Obey Spray at Paper Petey. Whom of which turns his head into a paper fan, and blows it back at the Witch Doctor. Making him under mind control. Before we can see what he is used for, we head to chapter 6; A Buncha Stuff That Happened Next. G-man (V.O): Sarah calls up Dog Man to tell him that the pet store crook didn’t steal money, but they only stole little plastic treasure chests for a reason we’ll get to later. Petey hears about this and decides to trap it using two inventions: The Treasure Tank, and a Love Ray. (Cut back to the duo) Danny: Um, why did he create a "Love Ray"? What was the original purpose? G-man: Haven’t you heard? He’s secretly got the hots for Blue. (Cut back to the comic) G-man (V.O): On the other side of town, the robber from before attempts to trade the treasure chests he stole for the biggest castle in the city. Obviously, he fails. That’s when the real estate agent there points out the news story on TV. Danny (V.O as Sarah): Oh no! Petey the Cat is forcing people to fill his treasure chest with loot! G-man (V.O as Petey): No, I’m not! People are giving me their loot ‘cuz they love me! (Cut back to the duo) Duo (Simultaneously in normal voices): Are you sure about that? (Cut back to the comic) G-man (V.O solo): The crook decides he must take that treasure chest, but when the real estate agent intervenes, the crook uses some kind of telekinetic powers to fling him out of the building. And now it’s on to chapter 7: Big Fight. Danny (V.O solo): Dog Man finally shows up, took him long enough, and through the magic of whatever, he controls the Treasure Tank to make him fall off. Petey gets chased by the mind-controlled citizens all the way back to Cat Jail, but in chapter 8, Flat Cat Fever, his flatass counterpart and the Witch Doctor try to destroy him using a now-alive, mind-controlled T-Rex skeleton. (Cut back to the duo) Danny: Wow, that was the most bullshit any two people have ever said! (To audience) Hey, can you say "Bullshit"? Audience (Simultaneously): Bullshit! G-man: Hey! We don’t curse in this goddamn motherfucking house! (Cut back to the comic) Danny (V.O): Through the help of the Chief, Sarah, and Zuzu, Dog Man realizes that skeletons are made out of bones, and he promptly begins licking the T-Rex. Making it laugh, and undoing the effects. Just as Flat Petey is about to make off with the stolen goods, the Mysterious Stranger that kept appearing attacks with his mind control powers in chapter 9, and that’s when Zuzu finally reveals his identity; it was Flippy all along! (Cut to a clip from Robot Chicken) M. Night Shyamalan: What a twist! (Cut back to the comic) G-man (V.O): Flat Petey and the Witch Doctor flee to some mountain, and Flippy gives the chase. When the others arrive, we see Flippy freezing in his bowl. Close to death. (As Witch Doctor) Looks like we won, Flat Petey! Danny (V.O as Flat Petey): Whaddya mean "We"? I did all of the work! You’re nothing but a mooch! (Cut back to the duo) G-man (In normal voice): If this wasn’t a kids’ comic, he’d probably say something along the lines of "Looks who’s talking, bitch-head!" (Cut back to the comic) G-man (V.O): Through a book called Body Snatching for Dummies, Flippy turns his soul into a ball of pure energy and tries to body-snatch the Chief. That’s when Dog Man catches him, and his soul melts to nothingness causing a (As Mortal Kombat announcer) FATALITY! Danny (V.O in normal voice): In chapter 10, An Ice Ending, Dog Man slobbers on Flat Petey. Freezing him. The heroes use his body as a sled to slide back down to the city, and then Flat Petey unfreezes. That’s when, no joke, the Witch Doctor uses the Living Spray on a pair of scissors. Bringing it to life, and chasing Flat Petey out of the city. And our comic ends with a pointless epilogue, and a teaser for the next comic. (Cut back to the duo) G-man (In normal voice): That was… Something. Danny: Agreed. There wasn’t any character development, atonement, nor any moral. But it was funny, and at least the kids seem to like it! G-man: And I think that’s a great note to end it on! Well, I am the G-man… Danny: And my name is Danny Gonzalez… Duo (Simultaneously): And that’s all you need to know about that! G-man (Solo): Peace! Danny (Solo): Bye, Gregs! (He walks out of the room) G-man: Wait, who the fuck is Greg?! (The G-man runs after Danny, and the audience applauds as the review ends) Category:Episode Category:Special